


I Think I Saw You In My Sleep, Darling

by fishcake



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, M/M, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 11:01:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8369749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishcake/pseuds/fishcake
Summary: No matter what he does, he always misses having Jinyoung beside him.





	

A bright smile is the one thing Jaebum loves being greeted with in the morning. He reaches out and touches Jinyoung’s cheek, warm and soft in his hand. The sun leaks in through the blinds, trying to rival Jinyoung’s radiance, to no avail. 

“Good morning,” Jinyoung says, but he sounds distant. Jaebum figures he’s still tired. 

“Morning,” Jaebum breathes. Jinyoung scoots closer to him, tangling their legs together. His heat keeps Jaebum warm. “I love you so much,” Jaebum tells him. 

“I love you too, silly hyung. You have to get up for school.”

The alarm goes off, piercing through the silence. Jaebum slams it off and turns back around, the bed cold and void of anyone, a haunting reminder of what he used to have. He sighs up at the ceiling, rubbing his eyes. 

He catches a glimpse of his tattoo, the one on his wrist that appeared when he met Jinyoung, the date of their first encounter. It’s fading, slowly but surely. Jaebum rolls out of bed, his heart heavy in his chest. 

No matter what he does, he always misses having Jinyoung beside him. It was unfair, for the world to take Jinyoung from him so early. For someone reckless to live, and for Jinyoung to die. Jaebum stares at Jinyoung’s toothbrush, still perched beside his. 

People die trying to find their soulmates. They spend their lives searching and never find them. Jaebum was so lucky, to have found his, tucked away in the corner of a coffee shop. But now, once again, he’s alone.

He wonders if never finding Jinyoung would have hurt less than losing him. 

He doesn’t bother eating breakfast today. 

He isn’t hungry.

-

“Jaebum. Hey. I asked you a question.”

Jaebum looks up from his book and blinks at Jackson. “I’m sorry. What was that?”

“Are you going to Bambam’s party tonight?”

“No. I can’t make it. Sorry.” He looks back down between the pages and Jackson grabs his chin, forcing him to make eye contact with him. 

“First of all, I know you’re not reading because you’ve been on the same page for the past ten minutes. And secondly, come on. You need to get out of your apartment. I know you miss Jinyoung, but don’t you think he’d want you to have fun and be happy?” Jaebum doesn’t respond, his stare cold. “It’s been five months, Jaebum.”

Jaebum smacks Jackson’s hand away, “It’s been five months, and I still fucking miss him, Jackson. Don’t tell me to fucking move on when you don’t even know what it’s like to have a soulmate in the first place. Fuck you.” He grabs his things and storms off, hearing Jackson sigh behind him. It was a low blow, but Jaebum doesn’t take too nicely to people basically telling him to get over it. 

He begins to head to his next class, even though he isn’t in the mood. He’s exhausted and his head is fuzzy.

As he reaches the building, he turns around and goes to his car. He doesn’t feel like taking anatomy today. 

Jaebum drives home, climbs the stairs, and flops into bed. Everything feels like it’s moving in slow motion. The room is spinning. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply.

There’s nothing a little sleep can’t fix.

-

“Hyung!”

Jaebum snorts, licking the icing from Jinyoung’s cheek. “Happy birthday.” Jinyoung smiles and grabs Jaebum’s face in his hands, kissing him, his lips sugary sweet. 

Kissing Jinyoung is therapeutic. Jaebum’s whole body is put at ease when Jinyoung touches him. Jinyoung moans softly into his mouth, rubbing his cheeks with his thumbs. 

Jaebum pulls back, blinking, and sees nothing but an empty pillow beside him. He sits up, rubbing his eyes. He’s still tired. He glances at the clock and sees that it’s midnight. Jinyoung’s birthday. Jaebum turns over, his heart aching. 

Every year, on Jinyoung’s birthday, Jaebum would wake him up at midnight with kisses. Kisses all over his face, all over his body, until Jinyoung was trembling, half asleep, pulling Jaebum’s hair as an orgasm shook his small frame. He misses Jinyoung so much. He misses the sight of him, the smell, the taste, the sound of his breathing. He misses touching Jinyoung and feeling a wave of relief. 

He turns over and wipes his tear filled eyes. Losing Jinyoung was the hardest thing that has ever happened to him. He hates that people around him don’t understand. He hates that they treat him like he’s a fool for missing the one person he was destined to be with. 

Jaebum falls back asleep quickly, tired from crying. 

He dreams of Jinyoung again. 

This time, Jinyoung is beaming at him, eating his birthday cake. Jaebum reaches over and tucks his hair behind his ear. 

“Hyung, aren’t you going to eat?”

Jaebum hums, picking up his spoon. 

It’s cruel, Jaebum thinks, that he can only spend time with Jinyoung when he’s asleep. When he’s awake, he’s tortured by the loss. 

Jaebum wishes he could sleep forever.

-

Jaebum coughs, doubling over, blood decorating the ground. His lungs aren’t doing too well, but he hates going to the doctor. Jinyoung used to drag him to the hospital when he was sick, because Jaebum hated going.

“Hey, Jaebum. I’m sorry about what I did the other day.”

Jaebum closes his book. He sighs and doesn’t look up. Jackson sits beside him and wraps his arm around Jaebum’s shoulders. Jaebum curls up to him and Jackson hugs him.

“I miss him so much,” Jaebum shakily exhales. 

“I know. I know you do. I’m so sorry.” Jackson kisses the side of his head and Jaebum hugs him tightly. 

He misses the way Jinyoung would hold him. He would hold his head to his chest and kiss his hair, stroking black strands, gently rocking him back and forth. 

Jaebum pulls back and begins coughing furiously, specks of blood spattering against his palm. Jackson notices and grabs his wrist, staring at the blood. “How long have you been coughing up blood?”

“Two days. It’s not a big deal.”

“You need to go to the doctor,” he says, concerned. 

Jaebum nods and wipes his hand on his jeans. “Okay.” He has no interest in seeing a doctor. He probably doesn’t have much time left anyway. 

He wishes he was with Jinyoung. He’ll be with him soon. 

“I’m going to head to anatomy.”

“Be careful.”

Jaebum nods and says goodbye to Jackson, heading towards the building across campus.

He makes it halfway before he turns around and goes to the parking lot. He sits in his car, eyes glazed over with tears. 

“Hyung, you’re going to be late for class.” Jaebum turns his head, seeing Jinyoung beside him in the passenger seat. “Hey. Don’t cry, okay? I hate seeing you sad. I can’t even do anything about it.”

“Happy birthday,” Jaebum blurts out. 

For a split moment, Jinyoung seems surprised, but his face smiles brightly. “You never forget my birthday. Thank you.”

“I miss you so much,” Jaebum breathes. He reaches out, but doesn’t touch him. He might disappear if he touches him. “I want to be with you.”

“I know. But I want you to be happy right now, okay?” He looks at the radio clock, “You’re late for class.”

“I don’t care, Jinyoung.” Jaebum is exhausted and his body feels weak. He wants to go home and sleep. At least then, he can touch Jinyoung. He hates this. He’s so close to him, yet so far away. “I’m just going to go home.”

Nodding, Jinyoung says, “Be careful, hyung. Take care of yourself, because I can’t do it myself. I love you.”

“I love you, Jinyoung.” Jaebum turns the key in the ignition to start the car.

When he looks back, Jinyoung is gone.

-

Jaebum sinks into the bathtub, fully submerging himself. He holds his breath for as long as he can, before resurfacing. He leans against the edge of the tub and looks up.

“What are you doing?”

“Taking a bath.”

“Be careful, silly hyung.” 

Jaebum sighs. Jinyoung looks at him, frowning. His eyebrows come together, like they do when he’s concerned. Jaebum softly tells him that he’s fine, simply tired. 

Jinyoung walks toward him and sits beside the tub. “You never used to be tired like this.”

When Jaebum had Jinyoung, he was full of energy. He learned the meaning of being alive, not just living. Jaebum has lost all will to live. Without Jinyoung, there’s no point in anything. “It’s been hard.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“You did nothing wrong. It’s not your fault. Don’t apologize, Jinyoung.”

“I hate seeing you like this,” Jinyoung whispers. His voice is shaky and uneven. Jaebum sees him start crying and can’t help the way his own eyes begin to water. “You’re dying because of me.”

Jaebum wishes he could wipe Jinyoung’s tears away. “I want to be with you.”

Jinyoung sniffles and leans forward, grabbing Jaebum’s face and kissing him. Jaebum melts into his touch. Jinyoung sobs into his mouth and Jaebum begs him not to cry, not to be sad. “I love you so much,” he tells Jinyoung. “Please don’t cry.”

“I love you. I’m sorry. I’ll see you soon, hyung.”

Jaebum opens his eyes, disoriented. The bath water is cold. He looks down at himself and sees his wrinkled fingers from being in the water for so long. He must have fallen asleep in the tub. 

He gets out, his legs shaking. The air is freezing, making contact with his wet skin. Jaebum shivers and grabs a towel, drying himself. 

His head hurts. He puts on some clothes and goes to bed, wrapping himself up in the blanket. He briefly hears Jinyoung’s voice asking him if he ate. 

“I’m not hungry,” Jaebum mumbles, dozing off.

-

Jaebum’s vision is blurred. He breathes heavily. He throws up more blood into the toilet and grabs the porcelain tightly.

He feels something press against his back. Jinyoung’s voice says, “I’m here, hyung. You’ll be okay.”

Jaebum briefly wonders if this is the end. He wonders if he can finally be with Jinyoung. He feels like he’s vomiting all of the blood in his body. He’s most definitely not, but he feels so weak, and his head is pounding. 

“Hyung. You need to drink some water.”

“No...”

Jinyoung pleads, “Please. I don’t want you to be like this.”

Jaebum sits back on his heels, wiping his bloody mouth. “I’m going to die anyway. I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to be with you.”

Unable to deal with his words, Jinyoung cries, getting up and exiting the bathroom. Jaebum knows he’s gone. Drained, Jaebum lies on the cold tile. 

He hopes he doesn’t wake up.

-

The floor is covered in blood. Jaebum lifts himself from the ground, his arms shaking. He uses the counter to help himself stand.

He stares at himself in the mirror. He looks disgusting. His eyes seem almost sunken in. His hair is disheveled, and the side of his face is covered in blood. He stumbles out of the bathroom. 

For some reason, he didn’t expect everything to look the same, but it does. He goes to the bedroom and grabs his phone. 

_13 missed calls._

With trembling hands, Jaebum listens to every single voicemail. They’re all from Jackson, each one more frantic than the last. In the final one, Jackson threatens to call the police if he doesn’t call back within 24 hours. It’s been three hours since the last voicemail. 

Jaebum calls him back. 

Jackson answers immediately. _“Where the fuck are you?”_

“I’m home...”

_“It’s been three days, you fucking asshole. I was going to call the cops to go check on you. If you’re home, why didn’t you fucking open the door when I came over?”_

“I was asleep.” Three days. Was he really out for that long? 

_“Whatever. Thanks for calling.”_

With that, Jackson hangs up. Jaebum touches his cheek, feeling all of the dried blood. He should probably clean up, but he feels so tired, he just wants to sleep. He lies down and closes his eyes, not caring about the condition of his body. 

All he wants is to be unconscious.

-

Jaebum is startled awake by loud banging on his front door. He rolls out of bed and trudges over to see who it is. He opens the door and is greeted by Mark’s worried face. Mark. Jaebum hasn’t seen him in months, since Mark decided to go to a university far from home.

The first thing Mark says to him is, “Why are you covered in blood?” He forces his way inside and grabs Jaebum’s wrist, dragging him to the bathroom. He freezes in the doorway when he sees the mess in there. There’s blood smeared on the floor beside the toilet. He needs to get to the bottom of this. 

He takes a washcloth and runs it under warm water, gently wiping Jaebum’s face with it. “Jaebum,” Mark breathes, “look at me.” He carefully tilts Jaebum’s head up, getting rid of all the dried blood. “What happened?”

“I don’t know.”

“Jackson called me. He said I needed to come over immediately.” Mark runs his fingers through Jaebum’s hair. It’s a calming gesture, but his fingers come back red and sticky. “You need to hop in the shower.”

“I don’t want to.”

Mark huffs. “Now is not the time to be stubborn with me. Strip.”

Jaebum does as he’s told and Mark strips down to his briefs. “What are you doing?” Jaebum asks as Mark shoves him into the shower. 

“Taking care of you. Jinyoung would fucking hate to see you like this.” He turns the water on, testing the temperature. He pushes Jaebum under the spray of hot water, getting his hair wet. 

It feels like a long process. Mark is thorough, almost as if he knows Jaebum hasn’t showered in what seems like ages. Jaebum blinks sleepily at him, reaching out to cup his cheek. Mark sighs and turns his head to kiss his wrist. “You’ll be okay, Jaebum,” he assures him.

“Mark is right,” Jinyoung’s voice says from outside the shower. “I do hate seeing you like this. I’m glad he’s taking care of you. He’s a good friend.”

Jaebum closes his eyes. By the time Mark is finished, Jaebum is ready to go back to sleep. 

“Go to bed,” Mark instructs him. “I’m going to clean this mess.” Jaebum softly tells him he doesn’t have to do all of this. Mark rolls his eyes and says, “Go sleep. Now.”

Jaebum does as he’s told and stalks off. He knows he doesn’t deserve Mark.

-

The side of the bed is occupied. Jaebum’s breath hitches in his throat. He turns around and sees Mark, playing on his phone. Mark looks at him, smiling, setting his phone down so he can grab Jaebum and hug him tightly.

“Mark,” Jaebum shakily says. 

“I’m here.”

He’s warm like Jinyoung. A bit bonier, he’s not as soft, but comforting nonetheless. Jaebum breathes against his neck. He smells exactly like Jinyoung and Jaebum wonders if he’s dreaming again. If he looks up, will Jinyoung be there? He doesn’t want to take that risk. 

Fingers run through his hair and Jaebum knows that touch. The same touch that has turned him into a trembling mess time and time again. 

He’s scared to look, so he keeps his eyes shut, and tilts his head up, fitting his lips against Jinyoung’s. 

“Jaebum?”

Jaebum opens his eyes. Mark seems startled. “I’m so sorry,” Jaebum quickly says. He breaks free from Mark’s grasp and scoots away. “I think you should go.”

“I’m not leaving,” Mark tells him. He reaches out in an attempt to comfort him, but Jaebum flinches, so he lowers his hand. “I’m not Jinyoung, and I’m sorry. But I’m here for you.” Jaebum begins to sob. Mark grabs him by the back of the neck and brings him close, pressing their foreheads together. “I know you miss him. I know you want to be with him. And I’m not going to tell you to move on, because I know you can’t. But I’m going to tell you to try to enjoy what time you have left here.”

Jaebum sniffles. Mark knows he’s dying. Perhaps everyone knows, but they haven’t mentioned it. “I can’t—without Jinyoung—”

“Jinyoung has always been beside you.” Mark strokes his cheek. “Jaebum, I know it probably doesn’t mean much coming from me, but I love you, and I want you to be happy while you’re here.”

Jaebum hiccups and Mark wipes his tears away, kissing his cheek. It’s a simple gesture but it speaks so loud. Jaebum grabs the front of Mark’s shirt, scooting closer and pressing his face to his chest. 

Mark buries his nose in Jaebum’s hair. “Just rest, Jaebum. You’ve been through a lot.”

-

“I made you some food,” Mark whispers, trying to get Jaebum to fully awaken. “C’mon, sleepy.”

“I’m so glad Mark hyung is taking care of you,” Jinyoung says, sounding relieved. Jaebum looks over and sees Jinyoung sitting on the edge of the bed. Jinyoung smiles, “Good morning, hyung. Make sure you eat well.”

Jaebum turns back to Mark and nods, “Thank you. I’ll be there in a second.”

Mark rolls out of bed and Jaebum does the same. He heads to the bathroom and glances down at his arm. His tattoo is almost completely gone. He coughs blood into the sink, grabbing his toothbrush. 

By the time he heads to the kitchen, he’s already drained. Mark smiles at him from the dining table and says, “Come eat before it gets cold.”

“I’m not that hungry,” Jaebum admits. 

“Eat some of it, at least. I heard you coughing.”

Jaebum sits at the table, looking down at the food in front of him. Before, he would be excited to get to eat. But now, he’s not even hungry. “I coughed up blood again.” He grabs his spoon and shoves food into his mouth. Mark doesn’t respond.

The silence between both of them is heavy. Jaebum feels like Mark has something to say. If it’s important, he’ll say it, Jaebum figures. Mark was never the type to speak meaninglessly.

“I love you, you know.”

“I know. I love you, too.”

Before Jinyoung, Jaebum had Mark. He has always had Mark, and Mark has always had him. They were attached at the hip before Jaebum found his soulmate. No one ever saw him without Mark, and vice versa. Jaebum doesn’t want to leave Mark behind. 

“I’m sorry you lost him.”

“I’ll be with him again...”

Mark swallows audibly and averts his gaze, hiding his glassy eyes.

-

Jaebum carefully packs his decor into the boxes Mark brought for him.

“You’re sure about this?”

“I don’t have much time left. I’d rather pick up after myself.” He already packed up the entire living room. All that’s left is the furniture.

Mark makes a noise, gathering Jaebum’s attention. He sniffles, “I don’t want you to go.”

Jaebum stands on unstable legs. He’s losing weight rapidly. It’s hard for him to function anymore. He walks over to Mark, hugging him, kissing his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to leave you.”

Mark slides his hands up Jaebum’s back. He cries, “I know I’m being selfish. I know. You deserve Jinyoung. But you’re my best friend.” He turns his head and nuzzles his nose into Jaebum’s jaw. “I love you so much.”

Jaebum sobs, “I love you, Mark, you know that.” Jaebum hates that he can’t have both Jinyoung _and_ Mark. He has to lose one to be with the other. Life is unfair. It has always been. 

Jaebum simply wants everything to end.

-

The apartment is empty, for the most part. Jaebum can’t stop vomiting blood. Mark is right beside him, holding his hand.

“Everything hurts,” Jaebum rasps.

Mark rubs his back, his spine prominent. “I’m here for you.”

“Thank you, Mark.” Jaebum leans into him, pressing his face to his chest. He’s so tired. Mark kisses his hair and lets Jaebum curl up to him on the bathroom floor. “Thank you for everything.”

“I’ll always be here for you.”

It’s not goodbye. 

Jaebum will see him again. They’ll be brought back together eventually. 

For now, Jaebum closes his eyes, letting his breathing slow.

-

“Wake up, hyung!”

Jaebum rolls over at the sound of the familiar voice. Jinyoung climbs on top of him, beaming, “Good morning!” He leans down and presses their lips together. Instinctively, Jaebum grabs his hips. Jinyoung is so beautiful, radiating happiness. “I missed you, hyung.”

“I missed you, too, Jinyoung. You know I did.”

Jaebum looks down at his wrist. His tattoo is dark. It looks like fresh ink. He sees Jinyoung’s as well, the same as his. 

Jinyoung grabs his face, kissing him deeply, as if he’s catching up on all of the morning kisses he missed out on. Jaebum mumbles into his mouth, “Where are we?”

“We’re home. Look.”

Jaebum turns his head. It’s their apartment. Everything’s in its place. Warmth spreads through Jaebum’s entire body. He touches his face, only to find that his skin is soft, his cheeks a little chubby. 

“You look great,” Jinyoung lovingly says. “Do you want breakfast? We can go out for some pancakes. The ones that you like.”

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

Jinyoung excitedly says, “Go brush your teeth, then! I’ll get dressed.”

Jaebum walks to the window first. He throws open the curtains. The sun is shining brightly. There are birds on the windowsill. Below, cars are passing by. 

There’s an almost foreign fullness in Jaebum’s chest, but something is missing. Mark. He’ll see him soon. 

There are no goodbyes.

Only see-you-laters.


End file.
